I’m a big believer in the idea of using the web to find love. Online dating sites give you the opportunity to discover people you’d probably never meet any other way. So why are so many women I speak to so frustrated with their online dating experience?
I spent a heck of a lot of time using dating sites when I was single, so I can relate to many of the challenges and disappointments almost everyone experiences at some point in their cyber-search for love. I also understand the thought process the average single American male uses when engaging in online dating…and I’d like to share a few insights into that process that I believe will improve your online dating experience.
Ladies, here are three things you should either avoid or just not waste your time with when you’re searching for a male partner on an online dating site:
1. Your Profile There are lots of well meaning folks out there who will offer to write killer profile essays guaranteed to capture the attention of the kind of man you’re searching for. I have no doubt that they can write award winning stuff. But will it help you get a man? Nope. If you’ve got extra cash to spend, I’d invest it in your profile photos because they’re what most men will base their decision as to whether to contact you or not. They’ll also look at your basic personal information like age, location, religion, marital history, and whether you have any kids. Everything else is pretty much irrelevant. I know that sounds harsh and shallow, but unfortunately it’s the truth. So by all means write your heart out in your personal essays, but don’t stress about it. They’re not going to get you any dates.
2. Messaging a Man In the 21st century it’s absolutely cool for a woman to express interest in a man. Unless you’re a professional wordsmith, writing him a long message is not the way to do it. All you need to do is get on his radar and let him know you’re open to being contacted. You can do that with a wink, flirt, poke or any other (usually free) way your favorite dating site provides you with to get on a guy’s mind. That’s all a man needs to get his curiosity peaked and his adrenaline pumping. He’ll check out your photos and basic info and if he’s interested he’ll contact you. If he isn’t, he won’t. Nothing you can say in a longer message will change his mind. It’s really that simple. In any case, don’t you want to date a guy who’s man enough to ask you out? If I was designing a new dating site I would make it so that women can only wink or flirt and men can only message. That would make things a lot clearer for everyone involved.
3. If He Doesn’t Want to Meet You, Move On You’d think that this one was just basic common sense, but I’m always surprised by how many women contact me with questions relating to men who are emailing and chatting with them for weeks or months but avoid meeting in person. I know it’s tough to find a guy who you seem to have a connection with, and you want to give it a bit more time in the hope that he will finally decide to actually date you, but come on. I can’t think of a bigger red flag that should trigger your natural defense system and get you running for the door! If a man is single, available and interested, he will make sure to meet you ASAP (even if he lives in another country). If he’s not making plans to meet you now, he’s either unavailable, not romantically interested, or up to no good.
There’s obviously much more to learn about what the men you’re trying to attract are thinking but for now, if you follow the three suggestions I’ve offered I really believe you’ll have a happier and more successful online dating experience.
I look forward to reading your comments and questions (even if you rip my face off!).>> If you found this post interesting, there's a lot more super helpful advice in my book, From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right [Available on Amazon] If you've got a friend who you think would benefit from this article, please share it with them.