The Secret to Less Stressful Dating and the Single Man’s Mind

dating adviceA woman from outside of the NY/NJ area contacted me recently to update me on a situation we discussed months before. At that time, she had been visiting the area and was set up with a guy who lived on the Upper West. He told the matchmaker that he would under no circumstances travel the ten minutes outside of Manhattan to meet her. If she wanted to date him she would have to come in to see him.

Now, months later, the matchmaker contacted him again to see if he would meet this woman who was visiting in a different borough. I guess she thought that maybe the idea of travelling to another state was the problem, or maybe that the availability of subway service would close the deal (hey, she’s giving the guy the benefit of the doubt!). But alas, the response was unchanged: if she wants to date me, she can meet me in the city.

Thankfully, our heroine was thinking clearly enough to pass up this chance of a lifetime and to hold on to her self esteem. Now you might ask, what would have been the big deal if she went to meet this prince in the city? With the dating scene so tough, especially for women in their thirties and above, and the pickings so slim, maybe she should’ve swallowed her pride and gone?

If that’s what you think then, with all due respect, you haven’t got the faintest idea of what goes on in the mind of a single man. Let me explain something that I feel I keep repeating but for some reason, it just doesn’t seem to stick. So here goes: when a man is interested in meeting a woman, he will do whatever it takes to do so as quickly as possible.

The first time our matchmaker told our villain about our heroine he opened his laptop (while he was still on the phone) and typed her name into Google, Facebook, and LinkedIn. In the next 3 to 5 minutes (depending on the speed of his internet connection), while he stalled by indulging the matchmaker with seemingly sincere questions, he made his final decision.

Why he came to his decision, we can never be sure. For whatever reason he just wasn’t into her. The reasons and excuses he probably gave, particularly the location issue, are irrelevant. False. There’s only one reason that counts: he just wasn’t interested in dating her. That’s what he should have told the matchmaker, straight out. But he probably thought that if he did that she would think he was too picky, unrealistic, and just not ready to get married, and she would never send him another match. So he threw out the location excuse and dared our heroine to call his bluff. Worse case scenario: he wastes 45 minutes and a cup of coffee before running back home to search for girls on his favorite dating site.

When a man is interested in meeting a woman, he will do whatever it takes to do so as quickly as possible.

Ladies, including our dear heroine, stop driving yourselves crazy and getting frustrated over guys that are not interested in you. It’s ok for someone to not want to date you. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. It also doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with them (the guys). This guy was a jerk not because he wasn’t interested in going out with you. He was a jerk because he wasn’t man enough to admit it, instead of sticking to some lame excuse about location.

Believe me, if this guy was set up with a woman who in his mind was “smokin’ hot” he would be booking tickets on a transatlantic flight asap if necessary. Does he have unrealistic expectations regarding a mate? Probably. But that’s none of your concern. It should be the matchmaker’s concern, and she should probably not keep calling this guy anymore and feeding his fantasy image of himself as being such a good catch. But it’s not your concern.

Move on my darling and date the men who ARE interested in you and WILL make an effort to see you. All you need to remember to have a less frustrated and much happier dating experience is this: when a man is interested in meeting a woman, he will do whatever it takes to do so as quickly as possible.

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