Here’s an email I recently received from a loyal reader:
“I accidentally waaaaaay over text messaged a guy I had been out with three times. Now I haven’t heard from him in a week, is there any way to do damage control? It was kinda like this VIDEO but with text messages.”
Sound like a familiar situation? I’m sure lot’s of you have made the same mistake. And no, she’s not some loser begging for handouts. she happens to be really cool, fun, and attractive…and yet, even she made the rookie mistake over being an over eager beaver. Is there damage control? Probably not. The damage has been done. Any further attempts at making contact, at least in the near future, will just make you look like a bigger Fatal Attraction candidate.
So here’s the rule for dating communication. You choose your medium of communication, and use it ONCE. That means one phone call, email, or text message. That’s OR not AND. You reach out ONCE and then WAIT. You don’t assume that they didn’t get or lost your message. Even if by some fluke they did drop their iphone in the toilet (be careful using your iphone on the toilet), it doesn’t matter one bit because if they were interested in you, they would contact you on their own.
So, if someone doesn’t immediately respond to your message, there could be three reasons:
1) They don’t want to respond. Not interested. Move on.
2) They never got your message. Not likely. Even so, not interested. Move on.
3) They just haven’t had a chance to respond.
Ok, let’s focus on the last possibility. Some people are super busy (whatever it is that they’re busy with is irrelevant) and they don’t always have time to respond to messages soon after they receive them. Maybe they want to put some thought and effort into their response, so they leave it for a day, which stretches into two. It doesn’t really mater, because your job remains the same in any case: you WAIT. If you hear back from them, great. If you don’t, you assume they’re “just not that into you” and call your therapist for an emergency session.
In a couple of weeks, if you’re feeling really lucky, you can reach out to them again, but just be prepared for the same answer you got the first time around.
Bottom line: Please don’t be Mikey from the Swingers. Call, text, or email ONCE. That’s it. Just once.
