How Many Relationships Will Be Sabotaged This Valentines Day?

Happy Valentine’s Day! Did you forget? I know the ladies didn’t, but the guys…well, what can I say. I admit that I too am guilty of this seemingly capital offense. In fact, the whole concept of giving women flowers and other romantic tokens of affection was something my wife had to teach me (she’s still working on it). Is it because I didn’t care about the woman I was dating at the time, or am currently married too? Not at all. I just didn’t get it.

Maybe it’s because I never saw my dad give my mom flowers or gifts of any kind? I’m sure that was part of it, but it’s no excuse.I should have been perceptive enough to realize that most women gauge their man’s degree of interest by the gifts that he presents her with, especially on a day so endowed with romantic significance (by the retail masterminds of this golden land of opportunity) like Valentine’s day.

Just to back up the point I’m trying to make, here’s a brief email I just received from a woman I work with: “So I’ve been dating this guy 5 months and he didn’t plan anything for valentines day… I can assume he isn’t that into me, right?”

WRONG. Most guys just don’t place the same degree of importance on the day of valentine as women do. They’re just not that into it…even if they are into you. Also, some guys just aren’t good at planning romantic excursions or engineering romantic events (getting drunk doesn’t count). You might just have to make it your business to train this guy in the ways of romantic gestures and valentine’s etiquette, if that’s what you need. But i wouldn’t assume that he “just isn’t that into you” solely on the basis of his Valentine’s Day inactivity.

I wonder how many relationships will be sabotaged, disolved, and destroyed this Valentine’s Day because guy’s just didn’t understand what their women expect, and need, from them? How many women will assume that “he’s just not that into them” and put their relationships on a downward spiraling trajectory?

I hope this post has helped clear things up a bit. Ladies, don’t jump to conclusion. And guys, you still have some time to buy some flowers and plan something romantic. Get to work!s

About the Author

Arnie Singer

Rabbi Arnie Singer is a dating and relationship coach in NYC and the founder of, a dating and matchmaking site for Jewish singles. He is the author of From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right.

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