Happy 2012. Assuming the Mayans were a bit off in their cosmic calculations, we’re all hopefully in for an exciting and fulfilling year…right? Judging by the stuff I’m hearing and reading, I’m not so sure. Let me explain.
I’ve lost count of how many emails and conversations I’ve read and had with singles this past year who tell me how miserable their dating lives are and how they just feel like giving up on the whole idea of love and marriage. This might surprise you, but when I read or hear this down in the dumps type of talk I feel encouraged. Why? Am I a sadist or something?
Not at all. You see, I truly believe that the first, and probably most important, step in getting into a relationship is honestly evaluating yourself and your situation and making the changes necessary to enable yourself to move forward and succeed in your relationship quest. Most people never take that first step. Instead, they just continue cluelessly in their same old patterns doing the same old thing with the same old people in the same old way, over and over again. Not surprisingly, their results continue to be the same too…failure, frustration, and disappointment.
The metaphor I like to use is the fly that keeps banging into the same spot on the window as it tries to fly out, instead of simply moving an inch to the side and flying right out through the open space. Bang, bang, bang, over and over again. Same thing, same pain, no change.
So when I get an email from someone who recognizes their frustration and seems totally fed up with their dating life I brighten up and think to myself, finally, this person is at the point where they are ready to make some changes and move forward in their relationship search. I know that once they make whatever changes they need to, be it practical (dating strategy or dating methods) or mental (just a change in perspective or a simple reality check) they will be on their way to positive results.
Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have a happy ending. Most of the people who seem to have taken that first step by contacting me never follow through. Why not? I don’t have the answer, but I can speculate.
Reaching out for help regarding your love life is hard. Sure, talking to a buddy over a beer is one thing, but actually making an appointment to meet or speak with a coach is just too weird. It’s just for total losers, which you obviously are not because your love life is so satisfying. So you continue on your unsuccessful dating journey and waste another few years banging into the same window. That makes a lot of sense. You’re no loser!
Well, here’s a secret…I don’t meet with losers. The men and women I meet with have got their stuff together, but they realize that they need a bit of help getting the dating/relationship thing just right. So they get the job done and then move on in a much healthier, more positive, and more successful manner. Read some of these testimonials. These folks are winners!!
Let me make this one point clear: if you can do the work yourself then by all means do so. In fact, I recommend it. Hey, if you can you should also do your own taxes and investment management. But just like you might need some tax or investment advice, you might need some dating and relationship advice too. Taxes and investments mean money, and money is something that you don’t want to lose. When it comes to your time, however, which is infinitely more valuable than money, you don’t mind wasting another year or five or ten while you spin your wheels, bang into windows, and play with the idea of figuring yourself out.
Speaking about money, could it be that people are reluctant to pay for the services of a coach when it comes to the area of dating and relationships? Maybe some people, but then there are many who wouldn’t meet with a coach even if it didn’t cost them anything. I agree that it’s tough to hand over your hard earned money to someone for something that you think you should be able to figure out all by yourself. Being frustrated and miserable all the time is also tough. I guess then it comes down to how much is feeling better and dating more successfully worth to you? That’s a valid question which obviously only you can answer.
So it’s a new year, another year, and you need to decide, again, whether you want to keep banging into that same window or whether the time has finally come to take control over your destiny and either help yourself or get someone else to help you make the changes you need to move forward and find that healthy, long term relationship you’ve been searching for for so long.
Whatever you do, DO NOT waste another year by spinning your wheels in exactly the same pattern as you last year and the year before that, and the year before that…
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