Dating Advice: 5 Reasons Men Stay Single

If you’re a woman who’s finally decided to settle down and look for that serious man ready for marriage, you’ve probably met or dated more than your share of men who seem to have all the requirements necessary for marriage, but just aren’t interested in tying the knot. Sure, some of these guys might just not be ready to marry YOU, but I think it’s safe to say that many of them really aren’t ready, or don’t want, to marry period. Age plays no factor in this. Men in their early 40′s can be as unwilling or unready to marry as men in their early 20′s. On the other hand, there are plenty of men who marry right out of college. In the “good ole’ days”, most men (and women) in their early 20′s would be married with a child or two. So what happened? Why do men stay single?

I know some men will attempt to claim that they just haven’t met the “right one”, but the overwhelming majority will admit (if pressed) that there was at least one women in their dating past that they could have married had they wanted to.

So the question stands: Why do men stay single?

The following reasons are in no particular order. Different ones apply to different men. You can choose the one(s) that fits best.

1. Freedom
   There are many benefits to marriage, which I will discuss in future posts. Freedom is not one of them. When you’re single you go where you want when you want. You eat whatever, whenever. You are the sole master of your free time. You spend your money however you see fit. To use an old Seinfeld expression (albeit out of context), you are the master of your domain. Marriage changes all of that. Some guys just don’t want to give up their freedom.
2. Excitement
   Being a single guy is like going out on patrol in a combat zone every day not knowing what you will run into. Who know’s what woman you’ll run into and want to “get to know” better? Every subway ride or trip to Whole Foods is an opportunity for new adventure. Every bar or party becomes a high stakes, adrenalin pumping challenge no less exciting than a twilight lion hunt on Safari in Kenya. So what if you come up empty handed? There’s always tomorrow, right?
3. Fantasy Quest
   Every man has an image (or 2 or 3) of their ideal, fantasy babe. She often bears a remarkable resemblance to one of the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, or one of the many erotic stars that make regular appearances during late night private browsing sessions. Since none of the real life women they meet match up to their fantasy partners, some men are willing to keep looking until they find one that does. And they keep looking, and looking. As long as they hold on to their dream of finding her, they will never be able to commit to a normal, attractive, flesh and blood woman. If they do commit, they might miss their opportunity to be with fantasy Barbi (more on commitment phobia here).
4. Fear of Responsibility
   With marriage comes responsibility. You don’t need to be a super hero to understand that. With children comes HUGE responsibility. Now that’s scary! Having a spouse these days doesn’t really add much responsibility to a man’s life other than fidelity (which unfortunately, for some men is too hard to handle) and visiting the in-laws (hopefully not too often). Having kids is another ballgame. A man might suddenly become the family’s sole earner while expenses go through the roof. Then there’s late night or early morning wake ups, diaper changes, babysitting, diaper changes, exhausted (cranky) wives, diaper changes, and diaper changes. Some men just don’t want any part of it and would rather sit around in their underwear drinking bear, watching football, dreaming of their fantasy woman, and enjoying a quiet, full night’s sleep.
5. Never Really Grew Up
   Marriage and children are for responsible adults who want to share and give. A good marriage depends on sharing and giving. Being a parent is 100% giving without expecting anything in return. Children are inherently selfish. Their primary concern is to get what they want when they want. They spend their days eating, sleeping, and playing. They’re not responsible for contributing anything. All they need to do is follow basic rules and instructions, and have fun. Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children… and they like it that way.

Do you have other reasons why you think men stay single? Please share them in the comments section below and find out what others think.

Keep reading jcoach.com for more dating advice and relationship advice, and please contact me if you’d like personal coaching or advice.