Dating Advice:Too Old to Play?

Let’s face it, the dating game is not fair to women when it comes to age. Men can (theoretically) date women 10 years their junior, while women often have to stretch at least as far in the opposite direction. The guys I meet who are well into their fourth decade have a huge smirks on their faces. As one 44 year old guy recently told me, these are the best of times for his dating pursuits. Life is beautiful for the Quadragenarian male!

Well guys, wipe that smirk off your face and listen closely to what I’m going to say. It’s true that you have the upper hand in the dating wars and you’re not facing the same biological clock issues that the ladies are. But let me ask you one question: Do you want to be married and raise a family? Yes, you’re nodding your head up and down, and telling me that she needs to be the right one, someone “special”. So I ask you again, do you really really want to marry and raise a family? Is it a priority for you…THE priority?

If your answer is still yes, then here’s some advice: stop being selfish and thinking only about yourself, and think about the children that you are not having, and may never have, if you continue on the path you’re on right now. You see, in your exhaustive search for the “perfect” mate you’ve lost sight of the real prize: a family, children. Now you’re in your 40′s and counting, and still picking through women as if they were books on a Barnes and Noble shelf you were browsing through to find a satisfying summer read. While you’re browsing, flipping pages, feeling covers, and reading snippets, your vital years are slipping away. True, you don’t have a childbearing clock but you do have an active-life clock which is ticking away faster than you realize. Do you want to be able to play ball with your kids? Do you want to see your second or third kid become a bar mitzvah? Do you want to see any of your kids get married? What about grandchildren?

Guys, the longer you wait to start your family the less likely it is that you will be able to enjoy them as fully as you will want to. That’s YOUR biological truth. Even if you get married tomorrow, whose to say that you’ll be blessed with children right away. You might have to wait a few years (God forbid). By the time you have your second child you might be well into your 50′s. Then…you do the math.

The time you’re wasting now chasing younger women beyond your reach is precious time you could be using to build a family with a great women closer to your age…NOW. But all you can think of is your dream of having 8 kids, which means you need a woman who is 12 years younger than you…meanwhile you have NOTHING, yet you continue to engage in your self centered pursuits, having the time of your life as you rack up your matches and dates, show up at singles events, and fantasize about that gorgeous, brilliant, saintly, 28 year old PHD/artist/aerobics instructor who you will definitely marry as soon as you randomly meet her on a subway platform.

While you’re playing dating game, the rest of us get to look at the incredible smiles on the holy faces of our children and bask in the warmth of their unconditional love. That’s the real goal you should be aiming for…not the stuff your thinking of when you engage in your dating craft. Regarding the number of kids, that’s a decision that rests solely with God. Trust me, once you finally understand “reality” and do what you need to do to marry and start a family, you will view your single years as a distant dream and begin living the life you should have lived years before.

Don’t waste another minute. Make your destiny happen. It really is in your hands.

Keep reading jcoach.com for more dating advice and relationship advice, and please contact me if you’d like personal coaching or advice.