Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

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During a recent session with a female soulmate searcher, she let me peruse the matches that had been suggested to her, most of which she had accepted. So I started going down the list. The first two guys live in California and the third in Arizona. She lives in NYC. Here comes a long distance relationship dilemma.

Long Distance RelationshipsOk, I know you’re reading my mind now, but bear with me. The fact that they live thousands of miles away from her is not a deal breaker per se. I’ve seen long distance relationships work, under the right circumstances. So what are those “right circumstances?”

The woman told me that she had spoken to each of the guys on the phone. I asked her if they were planning to come see her in the near future, or at least planning to be in NYC for any reason. Nope. Then forget about it! The “right circumstance” is that the guy is planning to physically meet you! He’s too busy? Well, when he gets serious enough to make the effort, you can speak to him. Until then, find someone who actually wants to meet you!

Guys, if you’re not prepared to travel, DON’T start a long distance relationship. What are you thinking? Don’t waste your time, and more importantly, don’t waste a woman’s time with your long distance mind games and flirtations. And ladies, if you’re stupid enough to play into this nonsense, you have only yourselves to blame so please don’t come crying to me after a few weeks or months of tele-flirting with nothing to show for yourself other than a large phone bill and a broken heart.

Bottom line: don’t accept a match with someone who is not intending to come and meet you. Make that clear in your initial phone conversation. If you happen to be traveling to his hometown for business, then that’s fine too. Otherwise, it’s his responsibility to make the trek. Matchmakers, are you listening to what I’m saying? Before you set up a guy who lives over a two hour drive from the women you’re thinking of, make sure he is ready to travel!

Once you’ve met in person and you’re both interested, then by all means, I give you permission to carry on a long distance relationship, but only for a defined period of time, at which point you’ll either get engaged and move to the same city or move on.

Are we clear on this?

Have you had any experiences with long distance relationships? Were they positive or negative? What are your thoughts on the matter?

Keep reading for more dating advice and relationship advice, and please contact me if you’d like personal coaching or advice.

About the Author

Rabbi Arnie Singer is a dating and relationship coach in NYC and the founder of, a dating and matchmaking site for Jewish singles. He is the author of From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right.

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