Every serious dater is eager to make that soul connection, but sometimes, that eagerness can actually destroy any chance you might have had with your potential mate. I’m vehemently against game playing for serious daters, but I must be realistic and admit that sometimes, you need to be a bit of a gamester to achieve your objective.
People love mystery. They are intrigued with the unknown. They crave gossip and secrets, the dirtier the better. Curiosity is one of the most powerful of human characteristics. It caused Adam and Eve to taste of the forbidden tree. If harnessed correctly, it could also whet the appetite of your potential mate.
Here’s an example: You’re at a cocktail party, where you spot an extremely attractive potential soulmate. You walk over and start a conversation. They seem interested. You’re adrenaline is pumping hard. You really want to spend the rest of the evening hanging with this amazing discovery, displaying your sparkling personality, sharing your worldly opinions, and regaling her with witty humor. DON’T. You’ve won the battle. You’re potential mate has shown interest. They’re into you! Now you need to continue getting to know them on a date, just the two of you, under the most romantic conditions you can create. Therefore, you say, “I need to say hello to some friends, but it was really great meeting you, and I’d love to call you and arrange to get together.” (If you’re a gal, you can leave out the part about calling you and just let the guy ask you for your digits, or you can tell him to call you.) Here’s what just happened: you were charming, engaging and interested, without seeming desperate, insecure, and needy. Your potential is secure in the fact that you have friends and a life, and is using their imagination to figure out everything about you; who are your friends, where else are you going tonight, are you interested in someone else. You’ve created some mystery, and it is working to your advantage from the moment you walk away at least until your first date.
The worst thing you can do is to meet someone and then follow them around the entire night. I find it painful to watch guys and gals come on too strong and destroy their opportunity at connecting with a potential. Also, the less you say, the less of a chance you have of blowing it.
Yes, there are exceptions to this rule. On those rare occasions when you meet someone and the connection is just incredible, and you both want to spend your time together, by all means go for it. Just be acutely aware of the signals that your potential is giving you. Unless they are 1000% positive and inviting, follow my rule: make contact, win them over, get (or give) digits, and walk away. The confident, secure and slightly mysterious impression you’ve left will work in your favor. Let his or her imagination run wild!
Are you into “mystery”? Are you mysterious?
Don’t forget to download your FREE E-Book – The Jcoach Guide to a Winning Online Dating Profile – by subscribing to Jcoach. You can also to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more dating and relationship tips and advice.
